I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
