I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize