That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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