It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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