ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
