everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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