Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
