Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
