this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
