Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
