It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
