I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
