I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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