the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize