I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
