Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There r osticjed everywhere
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
