Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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