The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
