you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
