Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
