Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize