How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
