cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
