You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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