i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
