I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
