Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
