we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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