I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize