i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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