he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize