Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
