can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
