if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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