Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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