at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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