Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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