Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
