ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
