More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i think i have two assholes
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
