I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
