I skipped work to stalk him.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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