theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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