i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
