Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
