New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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