At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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