Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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