and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
