I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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