I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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