Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
