This girl is more easily done than said...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
