Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
