my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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