We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
