shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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