i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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