Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize