Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
