my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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