I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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