Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
