Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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