i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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