I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Mom said you looked used
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
