I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize