"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
