drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
