forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
