Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
