Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
