there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize