I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
