I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
